[ Back to 1998 | Back to Posts | Back to Quotes Headquarters | On to 2000 ]
Note #1 by [Anonymous] on the February 17, 1999. [Frog Board] Title: CULTURAL DIFFERENCES (joke*longish)
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES: TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH 1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them. 2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer. 3. They pay you back by selling you illegal fireworks and let you blow up small parts of your country. 4. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you. 5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital..... 6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition. 7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country a. You can legally kill yourself b. You can legally be killed 8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbors. 9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you loose your keys, blame the Germans. 10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN 1 You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly. 2 If other countries want to fight a war, they will do in your county. 3 You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer. 4 You are either a.like the Dutch, just less efficient b.like the French, just less romantic c.like the Germans 5 Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer. Need I say more? 6 No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and they make fun of you. 7 More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade. 8 You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares 9 All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders 10 Face it. It's not really a country, is it? TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING LUXEMBURGISH: 1. You get to tell your country's history everytime you meet someone new. 2. You have your own secret, yet official, language that less that 500 000 people understand. 3. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer 4. You can think you're the center of the universe, although nobody else knows of your existence 5. It only takes one day to make a tour of your country 6. Benefit of being in the heart of Europe 7. You get to make jokes about the Germans and still drive their cars 8. Be predictable: Eurovision Song Contest: "Luxembourg: 2 points" 9. Speak and understand 4 languages as of a very young age; in order to understand what's on TV. 10. One of Europe's largest Media Groups is Luxembourgish (although Luxembourg's own TV station only broadcasts 1 hour a day. Local news about the farmer's chicken up north, etc.) TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH: 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay 2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs 4. You get to make rude remarks to women and still consider yourself as being "charming". 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel4. 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries (Well who hasn't eh?) 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star 8. No need to make an effort speaking foreign languages; the world loves your accent 9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just sh*t in the street 10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN : 1. You can have a woman president without electing her 2. You can spell color wrong and get away with it 3. You can call Budweiser beer 4. You can be a crook and still be president 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun 7. You get to be really obese 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care. 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy" 10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth. 10a. When you're not. 10b. At all. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH : 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup-doo-dah, doo-dah 2. Proper beer 3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events 5. Union jack underpants 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power. 8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not 9. Ditto changing underwear 10. Beats being Welsh. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH : 1. You ain't English! 2. You ain't English! 3. You ain't English! 4. You ain't English! 5. You ain't English! 6. You ain't English! 7. You ain't English! 8. You ain't English! 9. You ain't English! 10. You ain't English! TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN : 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Give them a second chance 1. Oktoberfest 2. Oktoberfest-beer 3. BMW 4. VW 5. Audi 6. Mercedes 7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that whould bring you to jail in any other country of the world 8. You do not have to learn german as a foreign language. 9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious 10.Contrary to common believe laughing is not forbidden by law TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN : 1. Chicken Madras 2. Lamb Passanda 3. Onion Bhaji 4. Bombay Potato 5. Chicken Tikka Masala 6. Rogan Josh 7. Popadoms 8. Chicken Dopiaza 9. Meat Boona 10. Kingfisher lager TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH: 1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you? TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH : 1. Guinness 2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road 4. Pubs never close 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on. 6. No one can ever remember the night before 7. Kill people you don't agree with 8. Stew 9. More Guinness 10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN : 1. It beats being an American. 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors. 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe? 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise. 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge f**koff shotguns and cover your house in their skins 9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme. 10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN: 1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bar steward that no civilized nation on earth wanted. 2. Fosters Lager 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you. 4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV. 5. Tact and sensitivity. 6. Bondi Beach. 7. Other beaches. 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals 9. Drinking cold lager on the beach 10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
Note #2 By Hazel ...September 1999 [Witches' Guild Board] Title: Fast Broom Fast Broom You got a fast broom is it fueled up so we can fly away We gotta make a decision brew here tonight or go to KLK I remember we were flying, flying on your broom the wind so fast I felt like I was drunk or maybe that was the scumble And your pointy hat kept poking my eye And I thought you sang all about hedgehogs And I danced - and did you use headology, headology, headology You got a fast broom and we go soaring to Granny's house You still sell your tea and I work in Tarnach's on Sator Square I know things will get better Your tea will improve and I'll enchant bright We'll move out of Mrs. Cake's house Build a gingerbread house and tempt little kiddies You got a fast broom and I kill the merchants to pay all our bills We stay out drinking late at the Drum or having a good knees-up at the cottage I'd always hoped for a fruitbat thought maybe then I wouldn't be burdened I got no tea, no watermelons So start your fast broom and get on flying You got a fast broom is it fueled up so we can fly away We gotta make a decision brew here tonight or go to KLK -Hazel, inspired (I'm told this is similar to a ditty by some gel named Tracy Chapman)
Note #15 by Curious posted at Mon Nov 8 04:18:31 1999 [Flame Board] Title: "Re:#2 vot ?" On Sun Nov 7 23:40:19 1999, Numair wrote: >> Maybe the creators are really the ET's that SETI are looking for and >> whenever a player gets too close to working it out, they have to >> eliminate them to avoid discovery REALLY!* <The scene is a darkened boardroom. There is a projection map of planet earth backlit on one wall, and a large mahogany table stretches the length of the chamber. Around the table, on plush leather armchairs recline a selection of frogs and fish.> WHAT APPEARS TO BE THE HEAD FROG: *brreeep* *riddup* *brreet-breet* [ Once again, the sanctity of our operation is threatened. It is about time we found out who is leaking this information. ] <A SMALL YELLOW FROG WITH A NAMETAG READING 'NEVVYN' LOOKS NERVOUS.> WATBTHF: *rrriiigg* *breet-roak* *rark-rark-rak* [ Nevvyn! Have you again been seen in public without your facemask on!? Do you want *everyone* to know we're an extradimensional amphibioid collective...] ASYFWANR'N': *breeeeet!* *breeeeet!* *breeeet!* [ I swear to god, it wasn't me! It must have been one of the others! Like... er, HER! ] <ASYFWANR'N' POINTS AT A CORPULENT BLACK FISH SITTING IN A LEATHER RECLINER, WHICH MERELY BELCHES IN REPLY> WATBTHF: *nee-deep* *neee-deee-deeep* [ Leave Raffi's pet out of this. ] WATBTHF: *reep reep* *glork* <> [ You're abject stupidity has set the project back by up to ten years! If the players suspect there are ulterior motives behind our actions, they'll dessert in droves, and go and hang out on a dump like... Suvangi! ] <WATBTHF PRESSES A RED BUTTON ON THE DESK, ASYFWANR'N' DISSAPEARS IN A SHEET OF FLAME> WATBTHF: *breeet-riddup breet!* [ Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots! ] --Dr. "Curious" Evil
Note#12 by Rue at December 17, 1999 [Frog Board] Ttile: Ane Holidday Mesfage from thee Watch 1. Any further attempts by Mr. Dibbler to sell the Partridge-inna-Pear-Tree should be reported to the Watch immediately. Neither the partridge nor the pear tree belong to Mr. Dibbler and he does not have the right to sell them. 2. Please report any sighting of a male turtledove. After billing and cooing with the female turtledove and Other Alleged Activities, there is now a nest full of baby turtledoves who are in need of support. In the meantime, Corporal Nobby is collecting money to buy worms. (He wud like too empfasize that he does notte, in fack, wante donations of worms, but wantes monee instead. No eggseptions!) 3. The three French hens have been deported. We can't be having with forners, unless they have lots of money or a bigger sword. (Correction: the expense of deporting said birds has been saved when they were accidentally et by Constable Downspout. He says he thought they were lunch.) 4. The Guilde of Towne Criers suit against the four calling birds was successful. Those wishful of making an announcement must revert to paying the Usual Fees demanded by the Guilde of Towne Criers. 5. Mr. Detritus respectfully asks that the thief what stole the five golden rings he gave to Miss Ruby return them or he'll rip your arms off. He regrets that he may have to rip off many arms before he gets to the person what actually took the rings. ..more..
Note #13 by Solace at December 1999...[Frog Board] Title: Christmas Dribble In the spirit of Christmas *cough* here's something I found amusing, WEB ADDICTION HOLIDAY SING ALONG! (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland") Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', >From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- although My boss let me go -- Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man; I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!" I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web! Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!) -- Solace *boingy*
[ Back to 1998 | Back to Posts | Back to Quotes Headquarters | On to 2000 ]