Welcome to my quotes page, where I hold only you responsible for what you say!
These are some quotes taken from Real Life, and yes, drinking was normally involved ;)
How the hell did that happen? He was supposed to kiss my ass!
--Saffra, after losing a round of crystal death to Presto
(Kren) It's naaaaked tiime!!
(Holly) It's 6:30 already?
You're making a mouse out of a molehill!
--Ty
Let's shake it like this!!!
--The whole minivan as Mira tried desperately to keep the van from tipping over.
I'd like 12 biggie sized fries for delivery please.
--Precious the mighty battle elephant
(Holly) *sigh* life just sucks damnit!
(Mikey) Drink o'rum! *dances*
(Holly) We fell on the floor in Peter's room?
(Kren) Umm yeah, you don't remember that?
(Holly) I was there then huh?
(Saffra) I need a red swirly thing!!
(Presto) You and me both sister!!
--Saffra and Presto play another round of crystal death..
(JD) Ride the wire pony!
(Holly and Kren) *laugh hysterically*
(JD) White damnit, white!!!
...but ya know, we shivered when he kissed us on the back of the neck...
Can I have the glovebox please?
--Holly
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
--Kren
You can touch it all you want
--JD
(Kren) Are you ok?
(Holly) oh he's still kissing me passionately
fiddle with it because it always leaves me hard
--Presto
Ty and Holly are here! *sounds of glasses clinking*
--Random crowds of people whose names escape me lead by the little sis, Mira
Bubble!!
--Mira
Didn't Monty Python make a fluffly cat song?
--Peter
(Saffra) I need children.
(Presto) Er, can't help you there...
--magnetic poetry
D. Ffth. Gtt. Fire.
--Kren, after too much vodka ;)
The best cure for an alcoholic is more alcohol..wait, i mean the
best cure for a hangover!
--Sylvia
Well, you just never know when breasts are going to be in the hall.
--Holly
I've never had a woman straddling me before.
--Presto
I found the softest fur on the kitty.
--Peter
Well, we go out and get trashed. Then we come home and get trashded.
--Holly and Kren
*Taarna hands Presto a bra for safe keeping*
Hmm, maybe I can figure out how to unfasten these things now...I might need to know that someday.
--Presto
All truth comes from my breasts.
*hefts breasts*
--Holly, and she has no memory of this what so ever.
What's happenin', Tits-a-Poppin?
--Mira
I'm going to Mexico!!
(at 9:30)
--Kren
It's a family remice.
--Holly
Thoughtful floppy bird in feather birdpants.
(and the walking lampshade!)
--Kren
Do you want to go back and stick your feet in your river?
--Holly, says to Kren on the St. Louis Riverfront
(Presto) Fuck! Fuuuuuuuuck!
(Saffra) Ha! You don't know the meaning of the word!
(Presto) [thoughtful pause] You're probably right.
--Crystal Death, of course
(Akasha) Precious likes to sleep with humans.
(Saffra) I know how he feels.
(Akasha) Oh, you have a cat?
(Saffra) No, I like to sleep with humans.
(Presto) Sucky, sucky all night long...
Presto talking with Jason during a Crystal Death match...
(Holly) You're drinking that virgin?
(Peter) I don't drink virgins!!!
(Peter) Where's the wooly mammoth?
(Mike) I got cher wooly mammoth riot here!!
(Jason) look at her with the red hair!
(Saffra) What do the 6 inches of roots showing tell you?
(Jason) Err...it's been a while since you've dyed your hair??
(Saffra) yeah, it means my temper is running out
Write it off!
tack it up!
oh shit, I fucked it up!
nevermind, give it up
RAWHIDE!!!!
The men attempting to remember Rawhide
(Peter) I reach for water, they give me alcohol
DOMESTIDON!!!
(Taarna) You will drink, resistance is futile.
(Saffra) We need more hallways!!
(Mike) Where are my three sets of breasts?
(Jason) But I don't *want* to aim for their ass!
(Akasha) Well, if I had a penis I'd try to type with it.
(Taarna) I was trying to make it "sounds like" but you thought it was another fruit!!
(Shrike) Karen's got brain cramps.
(Holly) Peter, you can come with us if you want.
(Peter) Don't hit me!!
(Kren) Leaf Bringer!!
(Saffra) Why is it so cold?
(Taarna) It's not cold, it's lovely!
(Saffra) Why is it so lovely?
(Akasha) Hold on, I wanna finger myself and see if anyone's written me back yet!
-Akasha, anxiously awaiting word of impending credom
(Presto) Where are my glasses?
(Saffra) In a safe place.
(Presto) Are you going to make me take all your clothes off?
-Presto, confused during a game of hide and seek
(Holly) Dude, that's my plastic penis!
(Kren) Well I'm not gonna use it!
(Kren) Fucking lunatics on the way here man, babies
and dogs jumping in front of us.....
-Kren after rush hour traffic
(Akasha) You never know when there's going to be breasts in the car!
(Holly) Hey blow girl! Blow me!!
- Holly says to Kren at the WSP concert
(Andy) I'm just a network guy, I am not a wicky master.
(Taarna) Don't annoy a short woman with a long knife.
Best blow job I ever had!
- Tammy (WSP girl)
(Presto) Ow!!! You just hit me in the eye with a bread!!!!!!
(Twiggy)I used to be a checkout girl. I passed out trying to pick up a chicken, but that's another story.
(Saffra) Was it heavy?
(Shrike) No, it was just playing hard to get. She tried clucking seductively, but it just didn't work...
(Saffra) What are you attempting to do there?
(Presto) Grab a toe.
(Saffra) Why?
(Presto) I like toes.
(Twiggy) So Merry Christmas
(Saffra) It's Jesus in a box?
(Akasha) There are lots of funny stories about Dewbie, because he's so stupid.
(Dryade) Just like super models.
(Callonis) Can I have some cheese on this cracker?
(Presto) Sure, let me get my penis!
(Shrike) Damned woman secretes turtle wax!
(Akasha) I'm flying a pig!
(Akasha) What did I call you?
(Presto) uh..uh..a swampy cunt?
(Akasha) No, no!! you cum-guzzling whore!!
(Shrike) Play "Swampy Cunt" in D-Minor
(Akasha) Well, we might have to get a new penis because that ones out of operation and no one might wanna eat out of it.
(Nicodemos) There's a uniformity of pattern in your crap.
(Shrike) But my crap is bigger than yours!
(Lanfear) THAT is your penis?!?
(Akasha) Yes
(Lanfear) No wonder Shrike was worried.
(Akasha) You ok sweetie?
(Twiggy) Yes, just looking for the jesus dagger.
(Akasha) Oh my god!! He poured coke on my head!!
(Shrike) Holy shit!! Que actually poured coke on her head! He really did it!
(Akasha, Shrike, Twiggy) *umbrella bird impersonation* (warning, visual needed)
(Akasha) Sounded like you were sexually abusing mice!
(Que) What worries me is that you know what that sounds like.
(Holly) How about carpetlick.com?
(Peter) How about wombraider.com??
(Holly) How about lick_my@beaver.com?
(Peter) They keep trying to give me carpetlick.com!!
-falls over laughing with peter and sherry while phil stares on in amazement.
-roomies trying to pick domain names
(Chowmein) Stop saying I"m sorry damnit!
(Moonfrog) I'm sorry!!
(Peter) I will not rest until this girl is satisfied!
(Holly) Hey! Watch the cleavage, it bounces!
(Holly) I mean, what would you do with iron nipples? Would you have to have a switch to make them go on and off?
(Amy) I told you I give good head!
(Phill) Fur me! Fur me now!!
-talking to Precious
(Holly) he wasn't a good lay, but his dick was nice.
(Peter + Holly) I'm not stopping drinking until you pass out!!
(Peter) And put some mayonnaise drippings on the end of his popo, that should do it.
[dead silence]
(Holly) *mutter mutter*
(Peter) What?? You just said popo 50 times, but I say mayonnaise and you get offended?
(Holly) I never said I'd date [Taffyd], I'd just die to see him suck his own balls.
--after being wrongly accused of kissing his ass.
(Holly) Peter bought condoms!
(Peter) A CLOCK!!! A CLOCK!!!!
(Holly) Same thing.
(Pncessamy) Ok, it's gettin' weird when the hair starts talking...
(Phill) Spank that pussy!!!
-Playing Crystal Death
(Akasha) Yeah, I hate it when you wake up and the pain in your side is from sleeping with a rat all night long.
(Fevvers) But in the morning you can kick him out of bed.
(Saffra) [to Precious] Run, Run like the wind!
(Callonis) Like the wide, slow, fat wind.
(Peter) Sorry, I had a gorilla in my mouth.
(Fevvers) Peter was so excited when I gave him my beaver.
(Holly) Leave the tire swing out of it!
[at a bar](Holly) Watch the breasts, they wiggle!
[Saffra whispers to Holly]
(Holly) I mean, watch the cleavage, it bounces!
(Peter) It's been a good day for my crotch.
(Peter) I wore someone else's skirt today, I got it wet...
(Eric) I'll bring you one...
--re. $500-$700 Kayaks
(Peter) Big, Rusty nuts!
(Presto) Is that like salted, chocolate covered balls?
(Phill) Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh you bastard!
-Playing Crystal Death with Presto
(Taarna) Your feet are way too into this game
(Phill) Get that furry thing out of my fucking face
-Phill, referring to a cat toy, honest
(Kren) Did you see Holly rub her third eye?
(Holly) Her structural integrity has been viloated
(Peter) Whoah! What the hell happened to my butt? Ollie's gonna pay for this!!
(Presto) Breasts: They're not just for breakfast anymore.
I told you to take those high heels off!! Veterans and people in wheel chairs don't like them!
-Random scanky lady trying to sleep at the city jail waiting room
(Hufte) Bucket o' Daquiri!!
(Dan) Ya big, furry doorstop get inside!!
(Holly) You can't sit on it 'till it's hard!
-to Precious
(Peter) It will be nice to get it again.
(Wendy) I use my tongue to mix it up.
(Joel) All I can say is if you have to ask the vender to roll in mustard and relish it's probably not worth the six bucks.
(Jason) That all depends.
(Joel) Not, it doesn't.
(Jaime) Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey.
(Peter) No ride the Peter tonight.
(Nia) Jason, you look like you blew a smurf.
(Kren) *to Craig* You godless bastard, you!
(Holly) What's wrong with being godless?
(Marcie) What's wrong with being a bastard?
(Peter) What's wrong with being you?
(Lee) *to cuz* He's very impressive to eat.
(Holly) *to Peter* You usually moan when I drag you places.
(Peter) This time use my feet.
(Jane) ...like you hit me in the face?
(Peter) That's different, that was intentional
(Peter) For christ's sake Jane put your pants on, there's a cat in the room!!!
(Sherry) No poke the Peter!
(Peter) I just want the little bag. (to Precious)
(Jason *cuz*) Don't call them crackas, name them Saltines!
-on names
(Jane) Mom, my back's numb again
(Jane's mom) It's probably your brain.
(Peter) Where does the third girl go?
(Marcie *to lee*) Ok, you need to wear padded jeans next time....
..sometime later...Take off your belt it's poking me in the head!
(Marcie) There's a fire in Lee's pants and everyone's invited!
(Jane) Name one conversation that doesn't lead to sex
(Peter) Nasty butt disease...
(Jane) Yeah but then there's the ass
(Jane) Don't defile Mary Poppins!
(Holly) What do you think she does with that umbrella of hers?
(Peter) That magic bag of hers...it's symbolic, the way she keeps pulling things out of it
(Holly) Just a spoon full of medicine...
(Jane) I'm gonna hurt somebody in these
-talking about her new underwear
(Holly) Keyword BEAVER
(pocket key finder) beep beep beep
(chair) CRACK!!
(Jim) Damn that sounds like some serious protein there!
(Holly) I got the menthol cheesecake....!
(Jim) Dude, I hear that...who's got insurance on that bacon, 'cos I was lookin' at it!!
(Jim) Nah, it was thin...it looked like a really big wild grain rice with legs...
Last updated on 7/01/00
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File last modified: Wed, 06 Oct 1999 19:43:02 GMT
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